


singing here's to never growing up

by elyrey



Series: batkids shenanigans [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Avril Lavigne References, Batfamily Shenanigans (DCU), Crack, Existential Crisis, Family, Gen, Kingdom Hearts References, Tim Drake Being a Little Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25115278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elyrey/pseuds/elyrey
Summary: Dick is just trying to get in touch with his inner angsty teenage girl. He didn't ask for an existential crisis. Tim is making him have one anyway.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne
Series: batkids shenanigans [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819132
Comments: 31
Kudos: 138





	singing here's to never growing up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [askanis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/askanis/gifts).



> Here, have another fic about batboys and shenanigans! This one was inspired by a Youtube comment on Avril Lavigne's "My Happy Ending". Thank you to Bumpkin and Oceans for doing the beta!!
> 
> Another shoutout to the Capes & Coffee Discord!! They brainstormed this fic with me, helped me figure out ages, and we had multiple shared moments of "wow, did thing thing really come out that long ago?" Honestly, you all are the only reason I have been finishing and _posting_ fics. ~~You all are _also_ the reason I'm up to _nine_ WIPs, so.~~
> 
> Title is from Avril Lavigne's "Here's to Never Growing Up"!
> 
> This fic is set in 2020 to make my life easier, and the character ages and years born are:  
> Bruce: 37 - born 1983  
> Dick: 25 - born 1995  
> Jason: 20 - born 2000  
> Tim: 17 - born 2003  
> Damian: 11 - born 2009

“…and it’s not like most plot-driven things – movies, books, shows, whatever – where the side stories might be briefly referenced but you don’t have to read them to understand what’s going on. The side games are _absolutely crucial_ to understanding the plot.”

Jason snickered as Tim ranted about the _Kingdom Hearts_ series. _Sure_ , all Jason said was that he had only played the second game and was thinking about playing the first to understand the plot better, but that was _ridiculous_!

“If you play the first game and then go straight to the second, you’ll end up completely lost,” Tim huffed. “It starts with totally different characters and very little explanation of where they came from. That’s why you play ‘Days’ and ‘Re:Chain of Memories’—”

“ _Shhh_ ,” Jason hissed, covering Tim’s mouth. “Do you hear Avril Lavigne?”

Tim paused just before he bit Jason’s hand and listened. Down the hall, he could faintly hear music.

 _“’All this time you were pretending. So much for my happy ending.’”_ Okay, that was definitely Avril Lavigne. With a tilt of his head, Tim gestured for them to investigate.

Down the hall, one of the lesser used sitting rooms had its door cracked open as the music spilled from inside. Tim slowly pushed the door open more and poked his head in. From the line of heat along his back, he knew Jason was leaning over him. That, and the chin that rested on his head because Jason was an asshole that took every opportunity to remind Tim that he’s shorter.

Tim blinked. Above him, Jason turned a near-silent snicker into a cough. Laying upside-down on the couch – feet dangling over the back and hair brushing the floor – was Dick, lip-syncing the words as dramatically as possible without changing position.

“Dick? What are you doing?” Tim asked, giving up the pretense of being sneaky and just walking in. The quiet curse behind him told him that Jason hadn’t been prepared to suddenly lose his support.

Either their older brother knew they were there or he was too good to visibly startle – each as equally likely – but it meant that Dick didn’t jump or even bother looking at them. “I’m getting in touch with my inner angsty teenage girl,” he explained.

Jason sprawled on the other end of the couch, leaving Tim to sit on the coffee table. “Any particular reason, Dickiebird?”

Dick spread his hands in an approximation of a shrug. “It be like that sometimes.”

Here’s the thing: Tim had gone through a bit of a phase years ago, and during that phase he was curious about when Avril Lavigne’s songs were released – he was a weird kid, okay? He never expected that information to come in handy, but it _was_ his job as a little brother to torment his siblings. “Hey Dick,” Tim grinned, “guess how old I was when this song came out?”

“Why?” Dick asked, already sounding suspicious.

“I was about a year old, depending on the month,” Tim told him cheerfully.

“Nooo,” Dick whined, “Tim, why? Oh my god, you were a baby! And now you’re a _teenager_ that’s nearly an adult and I’m _old_!”

“I was _twenty-one_ ,” Bruce scoffed, leaning against the doorway and drawing everyone’s attention. “I’m thirty-seven now. Please Dick, tell me about being _old_.”

“You don’t _understand_ , B! At least you were already an adult, and now you’re just a more adult-adult. Tim was a _tiny little baby_ and now he’s practically all grown up! I was a kid, and now _I’m_ an actual adult! _With a job!_ I’m having a _crisis_ right now!”

Tim hummed. “Then I _probably_ shouldn’t mention that her song ‘Sk8er Boi’ is older than I am.”

Dick _wailed_ as Jason started howling with laughter so much that he grabbed his ribs.

“ _Tim!_ Why would you _say that?!_ ”

Damian walked in right then, scowling. “What idiotic nonsense is Drake spewing now that has you in a fit, Grayson?” Before anyone could answer, his brows furrowed and he added, “And why are all of you listening to such old music?”

That set Jason off again and Tim joined in. Their combined laughter wasn’t nearly enough to drown out Dick’s small, quiet sob as he slid off the couch to be a human puddle of existential crisis on the floor. “Babies,” he whispered. “I’m surrounded by _babies_. All of you are children. Oh my god.”

“Hey! I’m not a fuckin’ _child_ , I’m twenty goddamn years old!” Jason argued.

Dick shrieked, “You can’t even legally drink!”

“Did you know you’re older than Google by three years, Dick?” Tim said. Dick whimpered.

Rolling his eyes, Bruce lightly cuffed Tim on the back of the head. “Give him a break, kiddo.”

“I have yet to have an answer as to why you all are listening to this infernal racket,” Damian demanded.

Within a couple seconds, Jason went from wheezing for air to completely solemn as he looked at Damian. “Sometime, kid, you just fuckin’ need to get in touch with your inner angsty teenage girl, and Avril Lavigne is the shit for that.” His faux-serious expression shattered with a smirk as he tacked on, “Also, I’m pretty sure Jon’s got this album.”

Damian scoffed and stormed out, muttering about being surrounded by idiots – Dick must have shown him _Lion King_ then – and Tim snickered again. On the floor, Dick was still muttering and moaning about _children_ and _babies_ and “ _I’m so old, I’m like the Crypt Keeper_ ”.

Tim bit his lip to stop himself from telling Dick that _Freaky Friday_ – which was already apparently a remake – came out about a month after he was born. That could be saved for the next time Dick had a crisis about his age.

* * *

Two weeks later, Tim stopped halfway through ranting at Dick for only playing the main titles of _Kingdom Hearts_ to stare down the hall. Much like the last time he was on a tangent about the game series, he could hear Avril Lavigne playing from somewhere. Except the only rooms down that hall were their bedrooms, and Jason and Dick stood on either side of him. The three glanced at each other, and Dick immediately grinned and bounced down the hall. Jason was smirking as he followed, and Tim trailed after hoping this wouldn’t end with Damian trying to stab him again.

Dick burst in as soon as he reached Damian’s room, where the music was definitely blaring from behind the door. “ _Dami_ , you’re listening to Avril Lavigne!”

When Tim peaked in, Damian was face-planted on his bed with his face towards the foot of the bed.

“I do not wish to talk about it,” he snapped, muffled as it was.

“Aw,” Dick pouted, “do you want a hug?”

Snarling, Damian lifted his head up enough to glare at all three of them. “I would prefer for you to leave my room at once!”

“Alright Dickie,” Jason said, grabbing and hauling Dick out, “leave the brat to fuckin’ wallow in his anti-social, pre-teen angst. Sometimes you just need to angst it out alone, _as you damn well know_.”

“Aren’t you the literature nerd? I mean, _really_ , Little Wing, ‘angst it out’?” Dick snarked.

Tim pulled Damian’s door closed and followed after. “Hey, language is fluid and always changing,” he added.

Gesturing at him for emphasis, Jason declared, “Fuckin’ _exactly_! All words were made up at some point, _and_ English is already a fucking mess of words from different languages smashed together! And at least a shit ton of the rules have exceptions!”

Tim nodded, “Like the ‘I before E except after C’ rule.”

“Here we go again,” Dick muttered.

“ _You fuckin’ started it!_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes for clarification, in order of appearance:  
> -Avril Lavigne's "My Happy Ending" was released in 2004.  
> -Her song "Sk8er Boi" was released in 2002.  
> -Google was created on September 4th, 1998.  
> -The _Freaky Friday_ with Lindsay Lohan came out in August of 2003.
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


End file.
